What a fabulous weekend!
What a fabulous weekend! Tort and Rosie are chums again. Dan is falling in love with Jessica; man, those sparks are flying. He’s gagging to get hold of her phone number. Tort is going to dump Jay. There’s ‘no spark’. Looks like her ’17 weeker’. Marc is going to dump Carole. 15 years down the pan. He’s already lining up replacements. I’ve been propositioned by Aurelia and don’t know what the fuck to do with that expression of feeling. I can handle all the other revelations but that one has left me speechless.
It all began the moment we were setting up the gig in Herne Bay. Marc had, as usual, forgotten something (two leads) and made excuses to pop back to Whitstable to pick them up. I was lamenting, as usual, about how whenever we do some thing together, like a gig, it always ends up as a rough draft for a Laurel and Hardy sketch. As he left I spot Jessica and Esther sitting on the sofas. I was real glad to see them over from the Bubble. Thought J was here for Marc but she was just here for the party. Later, when I introduced her to Dan, as you do, she goes ‘are you single?’ and he goes ‘yeah’ there was no stopping them. At the after party at Charlie's it was eye contact, back rubs the full shebang. It was only because Esther was a bit tired and needed to go home that I offered her a lift. Of course J had to go home with her too. Dan was on to me all Sunday down the beach and at the Ben’s Ego gig at the Wall Tavern for J’s number. I said I had it but I didn’t. Said I couldn’t possibly give her number out with out permission. The saga continues at the Smack on Saturday.
Ben’s Ego gig at the Wall Tavern on Sunday night I got Rosie one side of me and Tort the other. Both good friends. Once. Spoilt by Tort sleeping with Rosie’s ex, Dan. Yep, that Dan. I ask Tortoise Face if she and R had had a little chat. ‘Well’ she says, ‘I'm not going to say anything’. And I said ‘that’s what R’s said too. Looks like stalemate.’ ‘Guess it does’, she replies. Much later, 1am ish, we’re all still up because we’ve been going for it, but we’re all in our own houses, but texting and phoning each other. I phone R who tells me T pulled her up outside the toilets in the pub and apologised for her ‘behaviour’ and proceeded to explain to R the circumstances of her encounter with D. R, being the good natured soul that she is, forgave her indiscretion on the spot (after all it’s only a man, darling) and that was that. 4 months of no speaking; over. I'm ever so glad they’re chums again and would humbly accept a small, yet discreet walk on part, in the rebuilding of their friendship. Which, if it can survive something like that, show true strength and fortitude. Lucky buggers.
T was also the centre of another storm tonight. After her trip abroad to Marrakech with Jay she has decided that ‘there is no spark there’ and I suggested that I agree with her assessment that it would be better to let the poor dear down now rather than later as she mentioned that he was beginning to form somewhat of an attachment to her. Sad I know. I’ve been there myself. When you’re looking for your prince, as T so obviously is, you got to kiss a few frogs. Ribbett!
Time to straighten up for work on Monday
So, I texted Daphne last week from the pub. We’d been sitting there chatting and getting on quite well whist BensEgo played in the background. The Neppy was packed as usual and no one was taking any notice of us. When she left my friend Emily Bagpuss said ‘I can see you like Daphne and I know she likes you. Why don’t you text her and ask her out for a drink or something?’ So I did.
One week later she replied. It was as sort of non committal kind of reply but she did say she’d like to do it but not this weekend as she was up in London again. At least she replied but I inferred from her slow response that she really didn’t give a fuck so I replied back that I too couldn’t make it a date this weekend as I was extremely busy too and if she did fancy it could she give me a text next week and let me know when she was free. So that was that.
BensEgo had to start without their star, Ben. He’s been up in London auditioning for X Factor and, surprise surprise had got through to the second round. He did make it back to his humble origins, the pub, to play a few tunes right at the end though. The band, Ego I presume, filled in nicely whilst he was gone and winged it in a most appropriate fashion. Not that I was listening mind you. Too busy talking to Daphne.
A bit of a busy weekend coming up as I’ve already said; Molly is playing down the Neppy tonight, a gig with tVC in Herne Bay on Saturday and the Sheppey Bridge walk on Sunday. Going down the Neppy with Mike and Molly – I call them the Posh and Beck’s of Whitstable – as Moll tries to further her singing career with an open mic gig appearance at our favourite Irish dive bar. Saturday should be fun. No Daphne. No Sarah. 
Jenny and her gang of sexual terrorist women will be there, which should be nice as I love flirting with them and them with me and also Tort is going to be there too. How very Kentish. Fresh from her holiday in Morocco she is fucking going to be full of it. Still looking forward to seeing her photo’s and hoping she really had a shit time with her new boyf and fell out with him and really really badly and that she wants to get back with me. Because I wasn’t the bad boy she had made me out to be really. Which if that ever happened, I know I’m a bit of a heart breaker, and I wouldn’t really enjoy saying no to her, but I would. Let’s keep the friendship thing going as it’s proving to be rather fun for both of us. For now.
Got the flyer through for the Lounge on the Farm gig in Canterbury and the Stop the War Festival so shall be liberally distributing them all over East Kent this weekend. I also need to finish 2 lots of 4,000 words for my post grad course by Tuesday. How the fuck I’m going to do that when I have the motivation of a flea and the procrastination of an elephant? Must must do this or I’m going to lose my job. Lounge on the Farm have given me the job of ‘sorting out’ the dance tent which I presume means setting the rig up and looking after it, booking, scheduling and ensuring the DJ’s stick to their slots and don’t play too loud or too long and finish on time. No problems. At the Stop the War thing we’re doing a little tent and café and I’ll be doing the same sort of job there too.
So, Sarah came round at the beginning of the week and she does this thing that she does to the kids too of drawing a face on my face with her finger. I have to keep my eyes shut and guess who the the person is she is drawing. She goes round the edge of my face in an oval; wiggles her finger over my eyebrows to ‘draw’ in the eyebrows; gently touched the ends of my eyelashes to signify eyelashes and then dots the eyes to denote pupils. At the end she puts on, hats, beards, earrings, moustaches, beards or what ever else would give me clues as to the identity of the person I’m supposed to be guessing. It’s fun. It makes us both giggle and it’s being intimate without a sexual overtone (yeah, right). This time she goes ‘ooh, I got one’ and begins to draw. She draws the outline of the head. Fine. Around the eyes. Fine. Eyelashes. Good. But instead of gently dotting the pupils in, she pokes me in the eye with her long nail. I yelp like a squealing pig. My eye feels like someone has just kicked sand into it. I text Sarah this morning as head in to work over the old Sheppey Bridge, my left eyelid all puffed up and sand grinding away on my eyeball. All day I think of her; laughing her tits off for half an hour. Ah, life, love and the universe ey?
After the BensEgo gig I end up round Aurelia’s house with Louis and Ruth. Whilst the girls sort the booze out Louis says to me ‘ooh, I just grabbed Ruth in the alleyway and had a snog!’. Dirty boy already has a partner and two kids by her and two kids by a previous liaison. Ruth’s ex is my car mechanic and he and she have just split up after going on holiday with each other. ‘You try holding your relationship together going on holiday with 3 teenage boys and a racist partner’. Trying is the word here.
Aurelia comes back upstairs with the booze. I don’t drink any but I do skin up and watch them drink. I get a call from Emily telling me they are rounds Ben’s house having an after pub party. I suggest we move round there where there are more people. And Jenny Pitt. Aurelia is well up for it but Louis says ‘naw, I think I’ll hang on here a bit with Ruth and finish my drink’. Like I said: ‘once a dog always a dog’.
Down at Ben's I sit with Jenny for a bit and we get on really well. She, again, asks if it’s ok if we just sleep with each other and not have a relationship. I've been saying no for years to her (get me) but now I’m single she’s determined to wind me up over it (get me again). In the end I say 'well maybe' and she pulls right back saying ‘oh, maybe it’ll ruin our friendship?’ Maybe it will. May be it won’t. We’ll see what happens when we hook up in Herne Bay this weekend. I need Jenny to be all over me (which she will) in front of Tort; just to make her all jealous and all that. Don’t ask me why I want her to want me. I just do. I'm arranged to pick her up and drive her there.
My old mate Tom came down to our gig at the Smack to spin a few tunes. Also down were the lovely Jay and Jessica; me and MDM’s new chums that we met at the Neppy the weekend before. They were on great form; getting pissed and dancing like mad girls. They were lovely and Marc and I were falling in love with them more every minute. Such fun and smiley people. Just what we needed. Marc couldn’t really join in with me though as Carole was there giving him the evils and he was quite subdued trying to placate her and keep her happy. She does give him some serious stick which really stresses him out sometimes. Bless. One week they’re on the next they’re off. They can’t seem to make their long term monogamous arses up about whether to stay together or not so they seem to end up in this limbo land where neither of them are happy and neither of them will make a decision. So on it goes. Week after week.
We end up at Rod and Dee’s party after the gig where I end up buying some drugs and taking them. Oh dear. That’s parties for you is it not? Jay and Jessica are not impressed and Jay snogs my mate, tattooed Bruce, and ‘goes for a walk with him’ for half an hour or so; red wine stains all over her lovely white top. Jessica leaves early and has no drugs and I’m quite impressed but know she likes Marc really. Damn that French fucker. One more thing of note was the harridan Julia who came up to me and said ‘sorry’. I was so flabbergasted I gave her a line of coke. One more harassment over me thinks. By the time I had a dance and a flirt with Jessica I was a bit fucked. I decide to go back with Sara, Tom and Shelley to Sara's house where we drink tea, listen to music from Tom – ‘this track is the one I’d play at your bankruptcy hearing Sara’ - and smoke spliffs till daybreak. Another weekend of fun and frolics over. Time to straighten up for work on Monday.
Dan was pissed
So, at Jenny Pitt’s house warming party on Saturday Rosie was very upset about the news that her ex, Dan, had slept with my ex, Tort after one of the Smack nights in Whitstable in January; a month after they had split up. This coming after T had given me a lecture about sleeping with your best friend’s ex and how wrong it was! The rule is that if you want your best pal to remain your best pal don’t sleep with their ex. I’ve been emailing T to try and get her to talk about it but she is totally blanking me out at the moment. Apparently she told Rosie that she was on E at the time. Like that’s a good excuse? She had actually been out with me that night and we’d gone to the Smack and then down to Dukes for a bit of a boogie and came back to the Smack for last orders. It must have been then that she picked Dan up. Predatory? Perhaps?
Dan was pissed and had apparently blabbed about his encounter, only last week, to Aurelia who then promptly told Rosie; pumped her full of white wine and then had brought her down town to JP’s party. They had been split up but only the month previously. Ironically, Rosie had cancelled her planned wedding with Dan because he’d been having a dirty text exchange with Aurelia. The end was always on the cards after that.
T, who had always taken the moral high ground with me, was crumbling before my eyes. Her carefully constructed world falling around her ears. What with me, Timo, Dan, Terry and now Jay she was methodically working her way through the men in our little social circle leaving trails and broken hearts on the way. That’s why I used to love the picture of the iceberg she used to have on her bedroom wall. If that’s what you can see above the water…
1997 Part 28 - it’s all going down the pan…
Because I was involved in Pam’s ‘conspiracy’ as she ‘played around’ behind John’s back it really affected my relationship with both of them. Pam’s blown us all out now and me and John are half way to repairing our relationship. I’ve apologised to John and really did want to tell him what was going on but everyone, including Nicky, warned me off because no one wanted to upset the apple cart and maybe John might have ‘shot the messenger’ but he didn’t get a chance to because Pam left him just like that a few weeks before their 25th wedding anniversary, and, God, what a mess that whole sorry, sordid business was.
I wonder if the same thing is happening to Nicky and I and whether they are all conspiring against me because it seems that the female sexuality in our group rules the roost and us guys are really small satellites in orbit around their love that we desperately want and desire.
After I’d kicked off Sunday and told Robin to ‘fuck off Nicky and leave us alone and stop upsetting the balance of the group’, he didn’t have a clue. I wanted him to hit me but he wouldn’t but I wish he had. I had had a whole string of people, including Louis, telling me to ‘ease off’, ‘back up’, ‘chill out’. If Nicky wants to be with Robin there’s basically NOTHING I can do about it. It’s her choice and she’s going to make that choice whether I kick off a lot or not. She will be pushed towards him the more I express my frustration and she may ease off this full on 5/10 relationship if I do. I don’t know.
I say 5/10 because that what’s she’s told me she has with him. With me it used to be a 10/10 (oh glory days of my life) but now we’re down to a 6 or a 7 i.e. not much difference between me and Robin; only one point or so difference.
At Rosie’s on Sunday Terry stands behind Chris’s back and looks over his shoulder at Conrad and mouths ‘fuck me, fuck me’ to him. At the Woodpeckers on Monday I catch Conrad’s eyes across the grass and he holds two hands up. One, five fingers spread wide; the other, his fore finger stands proudly erect. ‘Six’, he mouths and pisses himself laughing.
That’s the thing though; all the long term relationships are falling apart. There’s no trust, respect, monogamy or even true friendship. What’s going to happen to Nicky and I as our friendship falls apart? As I slowly lose trust in her? As the respect disappears in a fog of lies, deceit, arguments, accusation and counter accusation? I can only sit it out and wait. Knowing deep in my heart that it’s all going down the pan…
Or are they stronger than we are?
So, got a call off Katrina yesterday whilst I was on Whitstable beach having a ‘meeting’ with Nick Dent from the local ‘Stop the War’ coalition. We were having a couple of pints and watching the sunset. A brave 5/10 effort; too cloudy! Still real nice to be out there on such a pleasant evening. 'Stop The War' are organising a festival in Dane John Gardens in Canterbury on 17th June and want us to provide a marquee, some DJ’s and run a little café in order to raise funds or consciousness about how naughty the war in Iraq really is. Well, it’s fucked Tony Blair’s career hasn’t it? 108 dead British soldiers to date too! So, Katrina’s going “are you in a pub? It sounds really noisy!”. “No, no”, I assured her, “I’m in a meeting!” Which I was. “Two things”, she said. “One…” then started babbling on about her TV and speakers and how it made her screen go funny and would it interfere with her DVD player? I suggested she move the speakers six feet apart and no, it wouldn’t interfere with her DVD. “Two! Where did you get that time opener you gave me as a house warming present? My sister loves it and wants to buy one”. So I told her that it was from a hardware shop near to the Cathedral gate in Canterbury. She was chuffed. I was chuffed. And she signed off “see you soon!” Get in! Back of the net!
Went to see The Proposition with Tort on Monday night at UKC. A pint and film for a fiver. She’s very squeamish where violent films are concerned but I’d taken her to see Kill Bill when that came out and I’d told her it was the most violent film ever made but she lapped it up describing the violence as cartoony and fun. “You are my violent film partner”, she said. The Proposition was violent, visceral and dusty. She loved it. A nice night. And she grabbed my arm on several occasions during the film. "It's the horror/creepy film violence I don't like", she says. The western making another comeback?
Having a meal, a curry, with Brummy John last night he described Tort as the sort of person who is just out for what she can get and as being selfish in that respect. Yeah, she is. A bit. But she’s only looking out for herself and has developed a defence mechanism that doesn’t really allow herself to be touched by emotions. Heaven forbid. That makes it a bit awkward for human beings like us to connect on a deeper level to these people with mild ‘sociopathic’ tendencies. Ah, bless them. They are afraid of being hurt but what they don’t realise is that being hurt is such an important part of being alive that I think they are missing out on things a bit. Or are they stronger than we are? Is being hurt such a bad thing? Is coping with this hurt the actual experience that strenghtens you and you then moving on; is that the thing that actually makes you stronger? Not allowing yourself to be hurt anymore is where you can fall over becasue you are denying yourself a feeling life experience.Christmas Chris is being a total 'fuckwit' at the moment towards me. I'm expecting him round my house any day now to give me a beating with his bicycle seat! He beat up up some guy who fucked Terry one year and put him in hospital. Only it wasn't the guy who had fucked her it was the girl. Sasha Bishop; now a full on traveller junkie. He's been ringing me up and sending me hate texts. Here's his latest one "tvc. deep house for shallow people? tvc est mort! Right!" Kinda funny really. May use it on our next flyer. Sorta knew what Terry had to put with all along anyway mate. The poor thing. She should have left him 5 years ago! Or more? He was particularly miffed about me taking Terry up london on NYE and out on a day trip when we were in france a few years back. "You ain't ever gonna get anywhere with her" he said. Whatever that means? Maybe that I won't be fucking her perhaps? "Don't want to" I said. "She's a mate!". Which seemed to make him more agitated. He also said some horrid things about me and Nicky and how she needed love and I didn't give it to her and how she went looking for it elsewhere. Which is probably true. Good job I'm so shallow otherwise I may have been offended ;-) Chris has been trying to have another go at blaming me. This time it's because I puportedly "sold drugs and put on parties that enabled" Terry to do her thing. What? Express her unhappiness at being with him? What a twat. I tell you I'm finished with that guy. He's looking for someone to blame and never ever looks at himself. I had to blow out lunch with Louis and Josephine yesterday because he would be there and I can't be fucked with his shit anymore. How did Terry put up with that for so long?
Anyway, gossip from last w/e... Jenny and Charles got back together. Maybe just for the w/e. Who knows? She was a bit shellshocked from the Conrad shit and I think she just needed something familiar to rest on. Conrad has now gone back to Nottingham with his tail between his wife beating legs. She was on great form anyway and it was good to see her recovering so well. Naughty Nicky Nursey kept saying "Who wants children; coz i do!" I offered to be a sperm doner for her but she would have to come to the toilets of the Neptune with me NOW! Funnily enough she never mentioned it anymore after that. To me anyway.
Finally saw Sarah again on Wednesday night. The first time in nearly four weeks. She was late. We watched a bit of TV and then fucked. After we had finished and I'm panting on the bed, knackered, she says "I could sit you on the edge of the bed and start that all again". She's insatiable. She could fuck for England and suck my cock for hours on end. I could have a kip for a bit, wake up, and she's still going with her deep breathing, deep throat thing. Not that I'm complaining mind you but there's more to life than sex...
